Oriut

29126 mots 117 pages
1.

About this Book

2.

Kon’nichi wa, Ruby

1. Opening This Book
Pretend that you’ve opened this book (although you probably have opened this book), just to find a huge onion right in the middle crease of the book. (The manufacturer of the book has included the onion at my request.) So you’re like, “Wow, this book comes with an onion!” (Even if you don’t particularly like onions, I’m sure you can appreciate the logistics of shipping any sort of produce discreetly inside of an alleged programming manual.) Then you ask yourself, “Wait a minute. I thought this was a book on Ruby, the incredible new programming language from Japan. And although I can appreciate the logistics of shipping any sort of produce discreetly inside of an alleged programming manual: Why an onion? What am I supposed to do with it?” No. Please don’t puzzle over it. You don’t need to do anything with the onion. Set the onion aside and let it do something with

you.
I’ll be straight with you. I want you to cry. To weep. To whimper sweetly. This book is a poignant guide to Ruby. That means code so beautiful that tears are shed. That means gallant tales and somber truths that have you waking up the next morning in the arms of this book. Hugging it tightly to you all the day long. If necessary, fashion a makeshift hip holster for Why’s

(Poignant) Guide to Ruby, so you can always have this book’s tender companionship.
You really must sob once. Or at least sniffle. And if not, then the onion will make it all happen for you. sidebar! 2. The Dog Story
So try this first bit of poignancy on for size:

What I’m Going to Do With the Massive Proceeds from this Book
Anyone who’s written a book can tell you

One day I was walking down one of those busy roads covered with car dealerships (this was shortly after my wedding was called off) and I found an orphaned dog on the road. A wooly, black dog with greenish red eyes. I was kind of feeling like an orphan myself, so I took a couple

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