HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
Pilot
by
Carter Bays
&
Craig Thomas
Writers' 2nd Draft
1-28-05
ACT ONE *
*
INT. 2029 LIVING ROOM - EVENING *
(NARRATOR, DAUGHTER, SON) *
A WARM LOOKING COUCH IN A FAMILY ROOM, IN SOME SUBURBAN HOME. *
A FIRE CRACKLES IN THE FIREPLACE. TWO TEENAGERS -- A 14-YEAR *
OLD SON AND A 16-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER -- SIT ON THE COUCH. THEY *
LOOK AT THE CAMERA, AND LISTEN TO THE NARRATOR. *
*
NARRATOR (O.S.) *
*
Okay. You guys are old enough. I’m * gonna tell you the story of how I met * your mother. *
DAUGHTER *
*
Heard it. *
SON *
You told us already. *
NARRATOR (O.S.) *
Sure, you’ve heard the short version. *
But there’s a bigger story, and it’s * important for you to hear it. *
SON *
*
Are we being punished for something? *
NARRATOR (O.S.) *
No. *
DAUGHTER *
*
Is this gonna take awhile? *
NARRATOR (O.S.) *
Yes. Once upon a time, before I was *
“Dad,” I had this whole other life. *
*
2.
It was way back in 2005. I was single, *
I had a full head of hair, my career * as an architect was taking off, and I * lived in New York City with Marshall, * my best friend from college. Life was * good, until one brisk October night, * when Uncle Marshall screwed the whole * thing up. *

INT. TED AND MARSHALL’S APARTMENT - NIGHT *
(MARSHALL, TED, NARRATOR) *
A 20-SOMETHING BACHELOR APARTMENT THAT, TONIGHT, HAS BEEN *
SPRUCED UP A BIT. MARSHALL, ON BENDED KNEE, NERVOUSLY *
PRESENTS TED WITH A DIAMOND RING. *
MARSHALL *
Will you marry me? *
TED *
Perfect! And then she says yes, you’re * engaged, you pop the champagne, drink * a toast, have sex on the kitchen * floor. (BEAT, THINKS) Don’t have sex * on our kitchen floor. *
MARSHALL *
Got it. Geez, I’m so nervous. My * stomach’s going crazy. *
3.
(MORE)
TED *
It’s not cancer. *
MARSHALL *
Who said cancer? *
TED *
You were about to. *
MARSHALL *
It could be cancer! I’ve got all these * symptoms, I’ve been peeing like crazy, * my mouth is dry, she’s